The Impact of Stress on Memory

Have you ever noticed that when you’re trying to hurry up with something, it often takes longer to accomplish? You overslept and had to rush through the morning routine to get to work or the kids to school, and you can’t find your keys. You can find a million shoes, but none of them match. Or worse yet, you get to work and realize you forgot your briefcase at home.

The answer to this phenomenon is simple. It’s stress. This may seem like a crutch or an excuse, but it is real. Multiple studies throughout the years have confirmed that stress and anxiety increase cortisol levels in the brain, leading to decreased number of synapses (the connections between neurons) in the pre-frontal cortex where short-term memory is controlled. Stress has also been found to increase white matter in the brain which leads to a reduction in the number of neurons which assist with memory processing.

The bad news here is that if we never do anything to reduce our levels of stress, our brain functioning will only decline. Lack of attention and concentration also associated with stress will confound forgetfulness. However, there is good news. Not only can stress-related memory loss be reversed, it can be prevented by taking the following steps:

• Establish a sleep routine. Not everyone requires 8 hours of sleep; some need less and some need more. However much you require to function at your fullest (generally at least 7 hours) should be regular. Go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time.
• Exercise regularly. The body recognizes exercise as stress because it is different than our regular relaxed state and temporarily will actually increase cortisol levels. However, with regular exercise, this effect is decreased and the body no longer perceives exercise as stress. This leads to less production of cortisol and hence a stronger ability to respond to stress.
• Breathe. Practice deep breathing exercises to increase oxygen flow to the brain. This will facilitate a more relaxed feeling but also allow for better attention and concentration.
• Keep it in perspective. We all experience stress in ways that are both acute and chronic. Remind yourself to take a step back and consider how important this particular stressor is in the grand scheme of things.
• Laugh and have fun. Laughter increases your intake of oxygen, stimulates yours cardiovascular system, and increases endorphins.  Engaging in enjoyable activities can also foster a sense of well-being and socialization.

So next time you notice you are feeling stressed and forgetful, take a deep breath, exercise, laugh, and sleep. And remember, tomorrow will be better.

Kelly Renzi, PsyD

But I Thought I was Better... Coping with Recurring Stress

So often we assume that once we get past the rough spot we find ourselves in, that it will be smooth sailing going forward.  Unfortunately, so often we find ourselves mistaken.  While the mindset of “I just have to get through this” can be helpful in the moment, it can set us up for feelings of disappointment and failure later. 

Emotions and stress are like waves in the ocean… they build, peak, and recede, only to be followed by another.   We have little to no control over our emotions; no more than we have any control over the waves in the ocean.  Emotions happen naturally, whether we wish them to occur or not. Not often does one say “I wish I were depressed.” Rather, depression (or any other emotion) occurs, sometimes despite our best efforts.  “But I wasn’t depressed (anxious, angry, etc.) anymore, and now it’s back; what did I do wrong?”  Likely, nothing. That can be the nature of the emotion, as troublesome as it may be. So what can you do? 

Simple answer- Cope.

What it means to cope will vary from person to person.  But whatever that means to you, do it. If it means making sure you are exercising regularly, do it. If it means that you are attending yoga weekly, do it. If it means spending quality time with friends and family, do it.  If it means scheduling an appointment with your previous therapist, DO IT. 

Having to cope with a previously overcome emotion is not failure.   It is life. Emotions come and go. Sometimes we need boosters.  While we cannot control the rain that falls in our life, we can control how we cope with the rain.  We can pretend that it is not there… We can try to dart between buildings getting brief reprieves from the wet onslaught. We can dig in our bags and pull out our umbrella and hope it is big enough to keep us from becoming drenched. And sometimes, we need to ask for help and seek refuge until the storm passes.  We are powerless to control whether or not it rains, or whether or not we experience a specific emotion, but what IS in our control is how we respond to it.  

Karen Rosian, Psy.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Creating a Successful Relationship

John Gottman, Ph.D. is widely recognized as the pre-eminent researcher and teacher of marital therapy. His research, conducted over a 40 year period at the University of Washington in Seattle, has led to the most comprehensive and evidence-based theoretical and practical understanding of the dynamics of what makes couples succeed or fail and what works to help couples get back on track. This research has revealed what it takes to “make marriage work”: managing conflict, increasing emotional connection and supporting each partner’s dreams. The following long quote from the Gottman Institute’s website (www.gottman.com) distills the essential components of creating relationships that last by paying attention to what they call The Sound Relationship House, or the nine aspects of successful relationships:

Build Love Maps: How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?

Share Fondness and Admiration: The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)

Turn Towards: State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship.

The Positive Perspective: The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving and the success of repair attempts.

Manage Conflict: We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.

Make Life Dreams Come True: Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.

Create Shared Meaning: Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.

Trust: this is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s interests, and maximize that person’s benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”

Commitment: This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse (meaning that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it). It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavorably with real or imagined others.

Combining the knowledge and wisdom of nearly forty years of studies and clinical practice, Gottman Method Couples Therapy helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy in their relationships. Through research-based interventions and exercises, it is a structured, goal-oriented, scientifically-based therapy. Intervention strategies are based upon empirical data from Dr. Gottman’s study of more than 3,000 couples. This research shows what actually works to help couples achieve a long-term healthy relationship.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy was developed out of this research to help partners:

•   Increase respect, affection, and closeness

•   Break through and resolve conflict when they feel stuck

•   Generate greater understanding between partners

•   Keep conflict discussions calm

https://www.gottman.com/about-gottman-method-couples-therapy/

 Nancy R. Soro, Ph.D.

Redefining Success to De-stress

So often in life, we define success by the outcome for which we strive. We define success in school by the grades we receive. In sports, we define success as the final winner.  We define success in our careers by promotions, raises, or accolades received. We define financial success based on the items we can purchase or the number on our bank statement.  We define the success of our parenting, oftentimes, based on the behavior and success or happiness of our child(ren).

However, there are areas of life in which success is not so easily defined by the outcome. Relationship success can vary from person to person, relationship to relationship. To some, a successful relationship outcome is marriage.  To others, a successful relationship is cohabitation or honesty and communication. And yet, to others, a successful relationship is maintaining a façade for their partner. And, the list can continue.

Life success can be even more difficult to define. There is no single definition to know when you have lived your life successfully. This is perhaps even more varied than how to define a successful relationship. Depending on one’s place in the life cycle, their definitions may vary and may take into account more or fewer contexts to define success. A child may define a successful life as having all the toys they desire. An older child may define a successful life as being popular in school. A young adult may define success by their relationship and/or career status.  A middle aged adult may define success based on a number of factors including career, finances, relationship/family status, community involvement, as well as accruement of material goods. And so the trend continues.

However, why wait until the end to determine success? Why not focus on the journey, rather than singularly focus on the outcome?  The journey often is more than it’s sum, or the outcome. The build-up of a relationship, the time shared and memories made are more than a wedding or commitment. The journey of the relationship is what is important.  Becoming a parent is one aspect of parenthood. However, it is the journey of being a parent, that is important—putting your child to bed, kissing their boo-boo’s, cuddling while watching a movie. It’s all those little moments along the way. 

And so it is in life. Noticing and being present for the little moments that make up your life. The moments of peace and happiness along the way, as well as the moments that build our strength and character.  Enjoying a cup of coffee early in the morning when all is quiet and calm. That moment while sitting in traffic when your favorite song comes on the radio.  Laughing with a co-worker over your break.  Comforting a friend in their time of need.  Celebrating small milestones made by your children.  Sharing a comfortable silence. Surviving a loss.  Stealing that extra nap on the train.  Staying up late to watch an old movie.  Holding hands. Feeling the wind blow on your face. These are the minute moments that make up our day to day lives that lead to the success by which we define them.

Perhaps rather than defining our success by the outcome, we should define our success as our ability to be present for our life. For showing up and experiencing our day to day moments. The little moments as well as the big moments in life. The happy and peaceful moments, as well as the hard moments. Living each day with presence and purpose.

Karen Rosian, Psy.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Overcoming Negative Thoughts: You’re Closer Than You Think

“I don’t want to have any more bad thoughts”

This is a statement to which most people can relate, and it’s the kind of statement many people make in therapy.  We work very hard to identify the thoughts that make us feel sad, angry, jealous, frustrated, and afraid, and when we find those thoughts we want to delete them from existence.  We want them emptied into the trash like yesterday’s garbage! It’s natural and normal to feel that way…. and completely unrealistic to accomplish.  Not only is it unrealistic to delete all negative thoughts from our minds but it’s unhealthy too. 

Negative thoughts serve an important purpose for our functioning and development.  The presence of negative thoughts acts as a reminder to be aware of danger around us.  Visualize how a person would act with no negative thoughts at all.   They would constantly leave themselves open to being hurt in relationships because they couldn’t remember the feelings of sadness and anger that comes with a breakup.  In addition, they would feel no sense of fear causing them to constantly putting themselves in danger, life-threatening situations.  Negative thoughts serve a valuable purpose, no matter how uncomfortable they make us.

The idea is not to eliminate all negative thoughts, but to reduce them to a level with which we can life and feel happy.  The only negative thoughts that we want to get rid of are the broken ones that cause us to feel false feelings.

In a study conducted in 1989, a group of patients in the psychiatric wing of a hospital were given a questionnaire to determine how often these individuals had negative thoughts.  This same questionnaire was given to individuals with no history of any mental illness.  The ratio of negative to positive thoughts in the depressed group was 50% to 50%.  That means that they had one negative thought for every positive thought.  In the group with no history of mental illness, the ratio was of positive thoughts to negative thoughts was 38% to 62%.  So for 100 thoughts identified, people with no mental illness have 62 negative ones while people with mental illness have 50.  That means the difference between being depressed and being happy is just 12 thoughts per 100!

Think about how changing just 12 thoughts out of every 100 you have in a day could turn you from a depressed or angry person to a happy, fulfilled person!  How much energy would it take to change just those 12 thoughts?  When we look at our negative thoughts from this perspective they don’t feel like such a mountain to climb.  Changing out negative thoughts is achievable and realistic.  Eliminating them completely is its own negative thought- and there’s one thought we can change right now.

“While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us”   - Benjamin Franklin

William Knor, 

Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor