On the anniversary of a loss or traumatic
event, thoughts and feelings about the experience may be reactivated, with a
resulting increase in symptoms of anxiety, grief or depression. People are
likely to remember the event more clearly and experience the associated
emotions much more sharply. This is a natural and normal part of healing from
loss and trauma, although it can be quite distressing.
The symptoms anniversary reactions provoke
are the same ones that the person may have experienced at the time of the loss:
sadness, tearfulness, loss of appetite, trouble falling or staying asleep,
nightmares, irritability, difficulty concentrating, feeling disconnected or
detached from others. Reliving these
emotions are part of the healing process and actually facilitates recovery from
the event. Everyone grieves differently, however, and not everyone reacts in
the same manner. Some may not experience anniversary reactions at all, which is
also completely normal.
For those who do experience an
intensification of mourning on anniversaries, the American Psychological
Association Disaster Response Network recommends some coping strategies that
help:
Recognize
and acknowledge feelings you may experience. Understand that your feelings are part of the
recovery process.
Find
healthy ways to cope with your distress. Share memories and feelings with someone you trust
or just spend time with friends and family. Activities that allow your mind to
focus on something other than these memories are a good coping strategy for
some people. Contemplative activities like reading, thinking or just taking a
walk are also a good approach. Avoid reactions that become part of the problem
such as drinking or using drugs.
Engage
in an activity that honors lost loved ones. You may want to plant a tree in their memory, make
a donation to their favorite charity, participate in activities your loved one
would have enjoyed or share happy memories with others. Consider volunteering;
you may find that helping others actually helps you.
Use
your support system. Reach
out to friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself.
Some
people will also benefit from speaking to a psychotherapist about their
experiences. Psychotherapy may take many forms but will probably involved
talking about the event or the loved one and learning new ways of thinking
about and managing thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are associated with
the experience. To learn more about this and other
topics about your mental health you may visit www.apa.org.
Nancy R. Soro,
Ph.D.
