So often in life, we define success by
the outcome for which we strive. We define success in school by the grades we
receive. In sports, we define success as the final winner. We define success in our careers by
promotions, raises, or accolades received. We define financial success based on
the items we can purchase or the number on our bank statement. We define the success of our parenting, oftentimes,
based on the behavior and success or happiness of our child(ren).
However, there are areas of life in
which success is not so easily defined by the outcome. Relationship success can
vary from person to person, relationship to relationship. To some, a successful
relationship outcome is marriage. To
others, a successful relationship is cohabitation or honesty and communication.
And yet, to others, a successful relationship is maintaining a façade for their
partner. And, the list can continue.
Life success can be even more difficult
to define. There is no single definition to know when you have lived your life
successfully. This is perhaps even more varied than how to define a successful
relationship. Depending on one’s place in the life cycle, their definitions may
vary and may take into account more or fewer contexts to define success. A
child may define a successful life as having all the toys they desire. An older
child may define a successful life as being popular in school. A young adult
may define success by their relationship and/or career status. A middle aged adult may define success based
on a number of factors including career, finances, relationship/family status,
community involvement, as well as accruement of material goods. And so the
trend continues.
However, why wait until the end to
determine success? Why not focus on the journey, rather than singularly focus
on the outcome? The journey often is
more than it’s sum, or the outcome. The build-up of a relationship, the time shared
and memories made are more than a wedding or commitment. The journey of the relationship is what is
important. Becoming a parent is one
aspect of parenthood. However, it is the journey
of being a parent, that is important—putting your child to bed, kissing their
boo-boo’s, cuddling while watching a movie. It’s all those little moments along
the way.
And so it is in life. Noticing and being
present for the little moments that make up your life. The moments of peace and
happiness along the way, as well as the moments that build our strength and
character. Enjoying a cup of coffee
early in the morning when all is quiet and calm. That moment while sitting in
traffic when your favorite song comes on the radio. Laughing with a co-worker over your break. Comforting a friend in their time of need. Celebrating small milestones made by your
children. Sharing a comfortable silence.
Surviving a loss. Stealing that extra
nap on the train. Staying up late to
watch an old movie. Holding hands.
Feeling the wind blow on your face. These are the minute moments that make up
our day to day lives that lead to the success by which we define them.
Perhaps rather than defining our success
by the outcome, we should define our success as our ability to be present for
our life. For showing up and experiencing our day to day moments. The little
moments as well as the big moments in life. The happy and peaceful moments, as
well as the hard moments. Living each day with presence and purpose.
Karen Rosian, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
