Forgiveness is difficult. From the driver who cuts you off
in traffic to the spouse who has betrayed you, forgiveness is nearly impossible
for some to achieve. Some might ask “Why should I forgive?” Some see
forgiveness as a sign of weakness, of not being assertive but rather allowing
oneself to be taken advantage of. Some feel that forgiving a person is giving
in to them or overlooking their behavior.
Forgiveness is none of these things. Forgiveness is
something that we do for ourselves, not the person who harmed us. Withholding
forgiveness for the sake of punishing someone is like holding on to an old,
dirty, uncomfortable couch that is no longer being used simply because you
don’t want anyone else to have it. It makes no sense; it takes up too much
space, holds little value, and prevents you from creating a space for a new
couch. Resentment is the same. It is holding onto something long after it has
lost its value and purpose, and it impedes our ability to move forward with
new, more useful things.
Forgiveness is a choice and a process. We cannot move
forward until we have chosen to move forward. This means that we must make a
conscious effort to let go of anger, hatred, hurt, and resentment. We must
begin to work toward empathy and understanding in order to forgive. It
certainly does not happen immediately and may take years to do. But, it is
worth doing.
Why forgive? So someone else can use the old couch? No, so
that we can create room for a new one. Forgiveness is not done for the benefit
of the offender, it is for the benefit of ourselves. We don’t forgive someone
because we want them to feel better; we forgive so that we can feel better. We
can feel release and rejuvenation. Forgiving does not mean that we have to
tolerate the offense of another, it simply means that we are willing to let go
and move on.
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