The Importance of Support in Reducing Stress

For many people battling with stress, the fight can often feel like a very lonely struggle.  The anxiety and depression that result from struggles at work and in our personal life cause us to feel isolated from others and forget that there are people around us who can help.  These people are our support system, and their presence is vital to reducing stress and helping us maintain a general sense of sanity in our worlds.

The purpose of having a positive support system is to ensure that we are not forced to cope with the pressures of stress alone- they keep us stable.  No matter how successful you may feel at coping with your problems alone, there will always come a time when even the strongest coping skills is not enough.  Stressful situations get worse just as sure as they eventually get better and it is important to have people to lean on when this happens.  Different support persons achieve this in different ways.  Some may help us by lending an ear to listen to us unload our stress.  Others may help take our mind off things by providing a fun afternoon activity to socialize.  No matter how they achieve it, a support person is defined by the end result of helping us reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.

In addition to receiving stability from your support system, many people find that it helps them to feel grounded and validated.  When we get involved in stressful, anxious, or depressed situations, we often convince ourselves that no one in the world as gone through something like this.  We fool ourselves into believing that no one else could ever understand our pain.  A positive support system will often remind us that being overwhelmed and emotionally drained is normal and expected.  They can help us maintain perspective when our world feels out of control, and a good support system knows what to say to help us take a deep breath and take stock of our lives.

The most important part of creating a positive support system is being able to identify those people in your life that give you stability and validation without the negativity of judgment.  These people could come from any facet of your life: a spouse, a child, a parent or siblings, a co-worker, or just a friend.  If you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with this person and you can expect no judgment back from them, then they are a part of your positive support system.  If they do pass judgment or make you feel negative about the emotions you’re going to, then perhaps it is time to release them from your support system and engage with someone that helps you relieve your stress.

There are times and situations when we may discover that we don’t have the positive support system that we want.  It may be that our supports are too negative for us or that our supports have become warn out.  In these cases, you may want to seek out some new members to add to your support team.  This can be done in a number of different places.  Start by seeking out environments where you can find positive people, including: church groups, community organizations, and even neighbors.  In these groups, you can seek out new friends to create relationships with that can be supportive in the future.

Our positive support groups can be as big or as small as we feel comfortable.  Each person is different and requires a different support network to help us cope with our problems. The most important thing to remember is that, no matte the size, we all need a positive support network of some kind.  If you feel that you don’t have anyone in your life to help you through difficult times, this may be the perfect time to seek out a neighborhood friend, attend a church group meeting, or call a family member.  Reach out to the positive people around us and allow them to help.  You’ve probably already helped someone else- now let them help you!

Bill Knor, LCPC

Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

Are your needs being met?

Often when I ask  my clients "what are your needs in this relationship?" they look at me with a blank face. Most times the response rendered is "I don't know".  Whether in a committed romantic relationship or in a marriage, being aware of one's needs and knowing what they are and if they are  being met is important to the success of the relationship or marriage.  According to Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D clinical psychologist and author of His Needs, Her Needs, Building an Affair Proof Marriage,  there are 10 emotional needs that are important to marriage. These needs are as follows:
Affection
- the nonsexual expression of care through words, cards, gifts, hugs, kisses, and courtesies, creating an environment that clearly and repeatedly expresses care.

Sexual fulfillment
-a sexual experience that is predictably enjoyable and frequent enough for you.

Intimate conversation
-talking about feelings, topics of personal interest/opinion, and plans

Recreational companionship
-Leisure activities with at least one other person.

Honesty and openness
-Truthful and frank expressions of positive and negative feelings, events of the past, daily events and schedule, and plans for he future; not leaving a false setting.

Physical attractiveness of spouse
-Viewing physical traits of your partner that are aesthetically and or sexually pleasing.

Financial support
-the provision of the financial resources to house, feed, and clothe your family at a standard of living acceptable to you.

Domestic support
-Management of the household tasks and care of the children that create  home environment  that offers a refuge from stress.

Family commitment
- provision for the moral and educational development of the children within the family unit.

Admiration
-Being shown respect, value, and appreciation.

Once the needs are explicitly stated the client/s is often better able to answer the "what do you need in this relationship and are they being met?" question. At times it is just a matter of putting words to experiences that are already happening in the relationship. Other times, it helps put words to what is off or missing in the relationship.  At the very least he or she is able to contemplate areas of  the relationship that are important and evaluate potential or current partners effectiveness in meeting those needs.

If you find that your partner or spouse is needing some assistance with helping you get your emotional needs met, or vice versa, feel free to us a call at 708-349-5433.

Ariane Allen Psy.D
Orland Office
708-349-5433 ext.3
aallen@anxiety-stresscenter.com

Low Postassium linked to Anxiety and Sleep Disturbance

Potassium is a common mineral in our body that helps with just about every bodily function. Potassium is a mineral that is used by the body cells to create an electrical conduction system across the cell membrane. These cell membrane transmissions promote heart function, nerve impulse transmissions and muscle contractions. An imbalance of potassium can cause many different side effects including anxiety and new research suggests a potential for sleep disturbances.

If you have low levels of potassium, you may experience an increase in your anxiety symptoms. 

Anxiety is an abnormal feeling of worry, fear, apprehension or nervousness. Anxiety can occur for a number of reasons, and comes in varying degrees of intensity. One common cause of anxiety is poor diet. Your body is a complex chemical system. When you lack a particular vitamin or mineral, your system can be thrown off. In relation to potassium, low levels can cause mental fatigue, stress and anxiety. Eating a well balanced diet and incorporating whole, natural foods may help you get on track to overcoming your anxiety.

Although there is no definitive research to support the concept that low potassium causes sleep problems, the potential is there. Potassium channel dysfunctions, which can prevent potassium from getting into cells, and the muscle spasms, which are one of the symptoms of hypokalemia (deficiency of potassium in the bloodstream), could both disrupt your sleep. If you have a chronic problem with insomnia or feel tired all the time, consult a health care professional – insomnia and fatigue can be symptoms of serious disorders such as sleep apnea.

Lauren F. White, LCPC
Clinical Psychotherapist

Brain Health and Mental Health

Two years ago, I attended a seminar conducted by Dr. Daniel Amen a psychiatrist, brain image specialist and author, who focuses on brain health.  Because there is an increasing body of current research connecting nutrition to mental health, I have decided to reprint this blog with the addition of more information.  Here is some of the more relevant information and suggestions that Dr. Amen shared regarding brain health, which invariably affects our mental health and well-being.

The brain is the control center of the body and is involved in everything we do.  The brain is too often neglected in both emotional health and physical health. If your brain is not functioning correctly, it is probable that you are not functioning properly.  In the same way that each of us could make some changes that would improve our physical health, we can make some changes to improve our brain health too.

Our brain is mostly water and fat. To keep it healthy we need to eat plenty (around 30 – 40 percent of daily caloric intake) of good fat. Examples of good fat are raw nuts, avocados and avocado oil, coconut oil, olives and olive oil, hemp seeds and flax seeds.

Obesity is harmful to the brain and body. As weight goes up, the physical size of the brain goes down and brain functioning decreases. Excess body fat helps produce inflammation – the beginning phase of all disease processes. Body fat also stores toxins – the more the body fat, the more the toxins. Toxins aren’t good for the brain or body.

Vitamin D is important for weight loss since low Vitamin D deactivates leptin, a brain hormone that signals satiation or fullness. If leptin doesn’t work, we don’t get the proper signal to stop eating.  A lack of sleep decreases leptin levels. Thus, not getting enough sleep can contribute to weight gain.

Interesting note: Men who have sex 3 times a week decrease heart attack risk by 50%. Unfortunately, the same is not true for women.

Our diet, which is supplemented with too many corn products, soy and vegetable oil, gives us too many Omega 6 oils and not enough Omega 3 oils. The remedy for this is to check labels to avoid corn, soy and vegetable oils and supplement our diets with Omega 3 found in cold water fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines), nuts and flax seed.  Omega 3 supplements can also be used to correct the Omega imbalance

People who are gluten sensitive have increased risk for both anxiety and depression and have decreased blood flow to the brain. Theories about the role of gluten in mental health include food allergies, immune responses, interference in brain processes, exorphins being absorbed into the blood stream from the gut and then passing through the blood-brain barrier to affect the central nervous system and the way serotonin functions in the brain.  

Sucralose, otherwise known as Splenda, was originally made as a pesticide!  It works quite well as a pesticide and is used for that purpose in some farming communities.  Not surprisingly, Splenda will also kill off the healthy flora (microbes) in your gut. There is a large body of evidence showing a connection between gut health and mental health. A gut with an abundance and diversity of microbes aids our overall health and mental health. A deficiency in diversity or number of gut microbes is related to several types of mental illness including anxiety, depression, autism and more. Read more about the mental health, gut health and diet see the following links:

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_body/the-brain-gut-connection

https://www.maxlugavere.com/blog/worlds-first-clinical-trial-shows-diet-fights-depression

Untreated depression had been shown to increase Alzheimer’s dementia two times in women and three times in men.  Other conditions that can have a negative impact on brain functioning include chronic stress, an unhealthy peer group, emotional trauma, lack of activity, nicotine and caffeine.

Here is what Dr. Amen recommended we do for increased brain health and functioning:

1.     Mental workouts help strengthen the brain. He recommends learning something new 15 min each day.

2.     Physical activity- weights, resistance training and coordination exercise (i.e. dancing) 30 min per days, more days than not- daily is best.

3.     Nutrition – ½ body weight in ounces of water, high quality foods and clean protein (hormone free, free range, grass fed), smart carbs – low glycemic (slow to convert to sugar in the body) and high in fiber- which are plants, eat a rainbow of colors daily for good antioxidants, the cancer fighters, and plenty of herbs and spices all of which have some healing properties in the body.

4.     Probiotics put the good microbes back into the gut. This is important since 90% of serotonin, the chemical involved in good mood, is located in the gut. Antibiotics kill the good flora in the gut, which must be replenished.  It is best to keep the gut balanced and working properly. Probiotics can be taken in supplement form or found in fermented foods like sauerkraut, kefir, kimchee and kombucha..

Finally, Dr. Amen stressed that that emotional health in this country has been negatively affected by our typical diet, which he refers to as SAD – an acronym for the Standard American Diet. He speculates that the rise in emotional disorders is likely due to the rise in food additives and genetically modified organisms. As such, gluten, dairy and food additive allergies may be causative factors in many mental disorders.

Submitted by Holly Houston, Ph.D., Director, Licensed Clinical Psychologist   February 2017

Are You a Perfectionist?

Are you  a perfectionist?  This is a question that I often ask my clients.  As a therapist it is not uncommon to have a client present with perfectionistic tendencies. In fact, perfectionism can be a strong factor in anxiety and depression. Having perfectionistic habits can also be maladaptive and become quite debilitating.

Here is a quick quiz taken from the book Escape Anxiety: 8 Steps to Freedom Through Meditative Therapies by Suzanne Jessee.

1. Do you find yourself procrastinating because you get so worried about doing something perfectly that you have a hard time getting started?

2. When you look at your work, are you able to notice how good it is and feel a sense of accomplishment, or do you only notice imperfections and worry about what more could have been done to improve it?

3. When you look at others’ work, do you notice their imperfections rather than focusing on the high points?      

4. When you look at your appearance, do you focus on all the things you’d like to change about yourself rather than noticing what you like about yourself? Or do you simply not think too much about it either way?  

5. Do people tell you that you are hard to please and often negative?

6. When people give you feedback and it’s 95 % positive, do you focus on the 5% that was just kind constructive criticism, or suggestions for improvement?

If you answered yes to at least 4 of these it’s possible that you just may have tendencies that lead toward perfectionism. If you feel that you are often in any of these situations, here a some of suggestions from Escape Anxiety:

• Set realistic expectations
• Focus on your successes, even partial ones
• Stop zeroing in on your own or others’ faults and flaws
• Realize that accomplishments alone to not determine self worth
• Think about the process, not the results
• Realize that anxiety and depression are signs that your goals are unrealistic
• Welcome your mistakes as opportunities to learn

If you feel that you require further assistance, feel free to give us a call here at the Anxiety and Stress Center at 708-349-5433.

Ariane Allen, Psy .D

aallen@anxiety-stresscenter.com

62 Orland Square Drive Suite 101

Orland Park ,IL