Disagree Better: Avoiding Conflict to Reduce Stress

Some of the most common causes of stress living in a social world are the disagreements that we can have with others throughout the day.  Whether it is with a spouse, a coworker, a family member, or a child, disagreements are a natural part of communicating our individual opinions.  Stress enters into this world when disagreements turn into fights.  As our conversations decline to conflict, most of us feel the anxiety that comes from having to defend ourselves and the anger that often accompanies it.  We can avoid these feelings if we learn to disagree better!

In order to avoid fights, we first have to identify some of the pitfalls that get us from civil disagreements to all out brawls.  Being dismissive of others is a common complaint that often heats up a conversation.  If we don’t take the time to listen to the other person and at least consider their perspective, then it is natural for them to get angry and not afford us the same luxury.  This pitfall is a sign of disrespect that no one appreciates.  Another trap that people fall into is letting the focus of the disagreement get away from them.  We often begin a discord on one topic, but end up fighting about every little thing that has every annoyed us about the other person.  We need to learn to stay on topic and not bring up any previous slight that we’re hanging on to- those are best discussed at a separate time.  A third pitfall is when we attack every argument with the same energy and gusto no matter what the topic.  It is important to learn to pick our battles.  Knowing that we’re trying to avoid fighting, we need to ask ourselves “is this fight really worth the stress that it will bring me”.  If the answer is no, then we need to have the strength and courage to move on.

When we get involved in an argument, we are often so wrapped up in our own feelings that we forget that the other party in the discord is feeling similarly.  Empathy can be your biggest weapon in defusing fights before they occur.  While we cling to our own perspectives, it is helpful to consider the perspective of your sparring partner.  Are they as passionate about the topic as you are?  Do they have some emotional connection to this topic?  If we try to understand the perspective of the other person, it often leads us to a better grasp on why this fight is occurring.  Even if we continue to disagree, empathetic disagreements often avoid some of those pitfalls that lead to fights.

It is also important to realize this simply fact: you can’t have a fight with only one person.  We often feel like we need to defend our position and fight when challenged, but the reality is that this is not the case.  If we are working to avoid the stress caused by fights, then the best weapon we have is the ability to avoid fighting altogether.  Learn to avoid hot button topics that you know usually lead to fighting.  Make efforts to eliminate people from your life who thrive on consistent conflict.  Most importantly, remember that you don’t have to participate in an argument just because someone else wants to fight with you.  This technique is particularly important for parents of teenagers who often seek out conflict as they search for their own identify.

If an argument seems inevitable, there are methods to assert your feelings in a way that can disarm your partner and reduce the stress involved.  First off, try to use “I statements” as much as possible.  “I statements” are a way of taking ownership of our feelings and problems and avoid throwing blame at others.  Instead of saying, “You make me so angry when you don’t listen” why not try, “I feel like we’re not communicating well together”.  The new statement feels less like a jab and more like an issue that we can solve together.  Secondly, make sure you identify the change that you want to happen.  Going into an argument with no clear plan of solution puts added stress on both parties.  If you don’t know what change you want, perhaps that’s something you should consider before addressing the issue. Finally, try not to generalize your thoughts with words like “never”, “always”, or “only”.  It's much more effective to say, "I rarely get to go to parties, and I'd really like to go to this one." than to shout about how "You NEVER let me go ANYWHERE! I'm going to be the ONLY person not there!"

By learning to disagree better, we can reduce a great deal of stress from our daily lives.  If we can be empathetic, avoid common pitfalls of arguments, utilize “I statements”, and be clear about the change we want to see then we can live happier lives with less conflict and more pleasant communication.

Bill Knor, LCPC
Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

Meditation Followed by Aerobic Exercise Reduces Depressive Symptoms

I recently stumbled upon a brief article that offers a evidence of how aerobic exercise helps to reduce depressive symptoms.  Take a look...


Thirty minutes of meditation followed by 30 minutes of aerobic exercise twice a week significantly decreased depressive symptoms in patients with major depressive disorder, according to a study in the online Translational Psychiatry. 
“The effects were robust, as evident by the nearly 40% reduction in depressive symptoms after only 8 weeks of training,” wrote researchers from Rutgers University, New Brunswick, NJ. “Interestingly, individuals without a clinical diagnosis of major depressive disorder also reported significant reductions in depressive symptoms.” 
The study investigated the effects of a mental and physical training intervention that consisted of 30 minutes of focused-attention meditation followed by 30 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise twice a week over 8 weeks. Twenty-two college students with major depressive disorder and 30 healthy students participated in the investigation. 
At the study’s end, all participants reported fewer depressive symptoms and ruminative thoughts, researchers found. 
“By learning to focus their attention, the participants acquire new cognitive skills that reduce interference from negatively biased recollections,” researchers wrote. “These neuronal mechanisms activated during mental training with meditation are perhaps further strengthened and even ‘consolidated’ by the physical training with aerobic exercise that occurs immediately afterwards in this neurobehavioral intervention.” 
A previous study involving 8 young mothers who were homeless and living at a residential treatment facility also found decreases in depression as well as reductions in anxiety and gains in motivation after the 8-week mental and physical training intervention, researchers noted. 
The findings suggest the mental and physical training intervention may offer an accessible alternative to psychotropic medications and psychotherapy in the treatment of depression. 
“There are two behavioral therapies, aerobic exercise and meditation, which have demonstrated benefits for individuals suffering with depression, are not accompanied by profound side effects and can be practiced across the lifespan,” researchers concluded. “Here, we provide evidence that demonstrates the effectiveness of a combined behavioral approach in improving mental and cognitive health outcomes in individuals with major depressive disorder and otherwise healthy individuals.” 


 —Jolynn Tumolo 




References
1. Alderman BL, Olson RL, Brush CJ, Shors TJ. MAP training: combining meditation and aerobic exercise reduces depression and rumination while enhancing synchronized brain activity. Translational Psychiatry. 2016 Feb. 2;6:e726.
2. Exercise and meditation — together — help beat depression [press release]. EurekAlert!: Washington, DC; Feb. 10, 2016.


Lauren F. White, LCPC
Psychotherapist
Anxiety and Stress Center
Orland Park, Illinois
lwhite-johnson@anxiety-stresscenter.com

Stress

Why Are We So Stressed Out?

Stress usually occurs when we are feeling overwhelmed by problems. It causes us to constantly worry about problems that we feel are not resolvable. For instance, we tend to focus on what we do not have, which causes us to overlook what we do have. The one thing that has always stuck with me was the phrase “Do not worry about what you cannot change; only worry about what you can change, and change it.” If you are feeling stressed out over a problem or situation, you have the ability to change it. If it is something that you cannot control or unable to change, then we have to learn to cope with that stress by adapting to it.

Personally, I do not enjoy the feeling of being “stressed out.” I try to remain calm at all times by coming up with solutions. If I am unable to find a solution to that problem, I let it go. We have to realize that stress comes from within and is controlled by our fears. So the next time you are feeling stressed out, just remember you have the power to change it.

Vashonte James, MSW, LCSW

Lessons From the Blue Zone for Longevity and Happiness

Blue zones describe areas in the world where most inhabitants live to be 100 years and older. There are five blue zones in the world: Sardinia, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; Loma Linda, California; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Ikaria, Greece. In addition to being centenarians, people who live in blue zones have drastically lower occurrences of heart disease, dementia, cancer and depression.  These people live long, healthy lives enjoying optimal health until their deaths. What is the secret to their overall health success? Five life-style criteria have been identified in blue zone communities:

1. Family relationships (one's tribe) are identified as the most important aspect of life. Life revolves around one's tribal connections and the members interact on a very regular basis.

2. No smoking - it is bad for health in a number of ways that have been widely disseminated.

3.  Eating a plant based diet is the key to physical health. This is not a vegetarian or vegan diet, but a diet that is rich in a variety of colorful vegetables and fruits with small amounts of meat and starchy vegetables complimented with healthy fats, oils and nuts.

4.  Performing a consistent low level of exercise such as gardening, hiking or farming. The exercise does not require high levels of exertion, but it is done at a moderate level on a daily basis.

5. Having strong social ties and social engagement leads to greater life satisfaction (happiness) and is an organic deterrent to depression.

There are other longevity inducing factors that have emerged from the study of the blue zone centenarians:

1. Take naps and sleep late. Taking naps and sleeping-in was associated with a 12%-37% reduction in coronary heart disease.

2. Reduce worry and avoid being late both of which engage the fight or flight stress response.

3. Have a spiritual community which has shown to extend life by up to 14 years.

4. Have sex. 80% of 65 to 100 year old men in Greece reported being able to have sex with adequate duration.

5. Create social circles with people who engage in the aforementioned health-beneficial activities. Surrounding yourself with people who practice whole health behaviors will increase and reinforce your tendency to do so.

Cheers to Optimal Centenarian Achieving Health!

Submitted by Holly Houston, Ph.D.
Director, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Nutritional Support in Your Recovery from Anxiety

A healthy diet, adequate sleep, and daily exercise are the building blocks of good health and well-being for everyone but are especially important in recovering from anxiety. Good nutrition is essential in supporting your new understanding about managing your anxiety symptoms and taking action to make changes in your life to reduce stress and anxiety.

Eating well to manage anxiety is not very different from a generally good diet: eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, good fats, and lean protein (with or without dairy products, depending on your ability to tolerate them) while cutting down on refined carbs, sugar, salt, unhealthy fats, caffeine, and alcohol. Some foods and nutrients, however, are better at reducing symptoms of anxiety while others make things worse.

Foods that help lessen symptoms of anxiety contain the amino and fatty acids or vitamins and minerals that foster calm, relaxed feelings. You may have experienced the sleepy feeling you get on Thanksgiving after eating turkey or you drink warm milk when you have trouble falling asleep. Both of these foods contain L-tryptophan, an amino acid that improves sleep and mood by increasing serotonin, the same neurotransmitter that antidepressants affect. Vitamins B and C are depleted by stress so making sure you get enough of these vitamins can reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. The B vitamins are found in various grains, vegetables, meats, eggs and dairy products while vitamin C is found in many fruits and vegetables. The minerals calcium and magnesium help to relax tense muscles and support the nervous system. Omega-3 fatty acids, found mainly in cold-water fish and some oils, such as canola, walnut and flaxseed, are important to brain functioning so they also affect the reduction of anxiety. While it’s best to obtain these nutrients from food, your primary care provider may also recommend a vitamin/mineral supplement.

Some foods are known to increase anxiety. Although it’s good for everyone to avoid sugar and refined carbohydrates, it is especially important for those with anxiety to cut down on them. The fluctuation in blood sugar levels can induce anxiety and depression on its own so it certainly makes pre-existing anxiety worse. In addition, sugar uses up B and C vitamins, which also increases anxiety. While there is a debate about whether caffeine has a negative or positive effect in general, for most people with anxiety it is better avoided since it can cause and worsen many symptoms of anxiety such as nervousness, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, restlessness, and panic attacks. Similarly, alcohol impairs sleep and reduces the neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) that affect mood and anxiety.

Skipping meals can also induce anxiety, tension and mood destabilization so it is also important for those who deal with anxiety to eat regularly, at least three times per day. Many people skip meals because of the nausea and other stomach issues that arise from anxiety, and in the mistaken belief that skipping meals will result in weight loss. Not eating makes sense when nausea is caused by flu or food poisoning but it actually makes nausea associated with anxiety worse. Skipping meals releases stress hormones like cortisol to increase energy, which causes stress on the body and increases anxiety, as well as depression, diabetes and high blood pressure. Not eating regularly also depresses metabolism and decreases the ability to lose weight.

To learn more about the relationship between nutrition and recovering from anxiety, you can talk to your therapist, primary care provider or a registered dietitian, and consult the following resources.

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D.

The Heal Your Anxiety Workbook, by John B. Arden, Ph.D.

Submitted by Nancy R. Soro, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Nutritional Support in Your Recovery from Anxiety

A healthy diet, adequate sleep, and daily exercise are the building blocks of good health and well-being for everyone but are especially important in recovering from anxiety. Good nutrition is essential in supporting your new understanding about managing your anxiety symptoms and taking action to make changes in your life to reduce stress and anxiety.

Eating well to manage anxiety is not very different from a generally good diet: eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, good fats, and lean protein (with or without dairy products, depending on your ability to tolerate them) while cutting down on refined carbs, sugar, salt, unhealthy fats, caffeine, and alcohol. Some foods and nutrients, however, are better at reducing symptoms of anxiety while others make things worse.

Foods that help lessen symptoms of anxiety contain the amino and fatty acids or vitamins and minerals that foster calm, relaxed feelings. You may have experienced the sleepy feeling you get on Thanksgiving after eating turkey or you drink warm milk when you have trouble falling asleep. Both of these foods contain L-tryptophan, an amino acid that improves sleep and mood by increasing serotonin, the same neurotransmitter that antidepressants increase. Vitamins B and C are depleted by stress so making sure you get enough of these vitamins can reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. The B vitamins are found in various grains, vegetables, meats, eggs and dairy products while vitamin C is found in many fruits and vegetables. The minerals calcium and magnesium help to relax tense muscles and support the nervous system. Omega-3 fatty acids, found mainly in cold-water fish and some oils, such as canola, walnut and flaxseed, are important to brain functioning so they also affect the reduction of anxiety. While it’s best to obtain these nutrients from food, your primary care provider may also recommend a vitamin/mineral supplement.

Some foods are known to increase anxiety. Although it’s good for everyone to avoid sugar and refined carbohydrates, it is especially important for those with anxiety to cut down on them. The fluctuation in blood sugar levels can induce anxiety and depression on its own so it certainly makes pre-existing anxiety worse. In addition, sugar uses up B and C vitamins, which also increases anxiety. While there is a debate about whether caffeine has a negative or positive effect in general, for most people with anxiety it is better avoided since it can cause and worsen many symptoms of anxiety such as nervousness, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, restlessness, and panic attacks. Similarly, alcohol impairs sleep and reduces the neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) that affect mood and anxiety.

Skipping meals can also induce anxiety, tension and mood destabilization so it is also important for those who deal with anxiety to eat regularly, at least three times per day. Many people skip meals because of the nausea and other stomach issues that arise from anxiety, and in the mistaken belief that skipping meals will result in weight loss. Not eating makes sense when nausea is caused by flu or food poisoning but it actually makes nausea associated with anxiety worse. Skipping meals releases stress hormones like cortisol to increase energy, which causes stress on the body and increases anxiety, as well as depression, diabetes and high blood pressure. Not eating regularly also depresses metabolism and decreases the ability to lose weight.

To learn more about the relationship between nutrition and recovering from anxiety, you can talk to your therapist, primary care provider or a registered dietitian, and consult the following resources.

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D.

The Heal Your Anxiety Workbook, by John B. Arden, Ph.D.

Submitted by Nancy R. Soro, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Managing Stress

Ways to Handle Stress

We all experience stress from time to time whether it is from our jobs or just things that are going on in our daily lives. Stress is a state of mental tension that causes a person to worry that can lead to the development of anxiety. Unfortunately, some people are not able to handle stress. When stress is not handled appropriately, it usually leads to very severe symptoms that interfere with your life. These symptoms can become so debilitating that you may have to seek professional help to manage it. I am usually able to relieve my stress by doing various things that I enjoy. Here are some of my stress relievers:

1.      Meditation This is an excellent way to clear your mind of all the stressful things you are experiencing as well as thinking about.

2.      Watching Television I enjoy watching anything that will make me laugh or force me to think.

3.      Listening to Music When I am having a bad day or feeling stressed out, I usually listen to music from my favorite artists, such as Mariah Carey and Minnie Riperton.

4.      Talking to a Friend This is definitely a quick reliever of stress! Just make sure you talk to a friend that is willing to listen and not judge.

5.      Working Out/Exercising Although I have not been in a gym in months, I do find this very helpful. I recommend exercising regularly, which reduces stress tremendously.

6.      Taking a Drive I have found this one very useful over the years. I would usually drive around in the car listening to music alone or with a friend.

Vashonte James, LCSW