The power of Choice can help you "Let it Go" and reduce stress and anxiety in 2015

One of the most memorable songs last year was from the Disney movie Frozen.  You may have heard “Let it Go” I think it’s a lesson we should all incorporate. We can simply choose to let go of the past and live a life with decreased anxiety. Especially when we are lucky enough to get a fresh start.  Why would we bring along the stress?  No, no…let it go!

So here we are.  It's a new year and the opportunity to make lasting changes to lessen stress and anxiety.  As you embark upon decision-making and goal-setting, take a moment to reflect upon what you need to achieve them.  Here are few tips:

• Choose to believe in yourself
• Choose to make healthy decisions about your life
• Choose to talk difficult decisions over with someone you trust
• Choose to learn from past mistakes and not to allow them to stymie your growth
• Chose the path of self-acceptance and love
• Choose to ensure your needs get met as you meet the needs of your loved ones
• Choose to take time for yourself
• Choose to be kind to yourself

Those are just a few things that you may choose to intentionally incorporate into your new year.  There is one more suggested choice I'd like to offer you and could be essential to reducing your stress and anxiety this year…the choice to leave the past behind you.  

You may choose to work with someone who can assist you in developing a new level of understanding and appreciation for your life experience(s) thus far.  Doing so may require that you forgive yourself for things you deem unfair or things may feel responsible for before these thoughts and feelings grow internally and become barriers to your daily functioning. 

Lauren F. White, LCPC

Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

 

Using mindfulness meditation to decrease anxiety and stress

What is mindfulness? It is simply paying attention to the present, experiencing life moment by moment without getting caught up in the activity of the mind. One research article described mindfulness as “a moment to moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment.” Mindfulness is the province of the observing or reflective self, the part of the mind that witnesses the thoughts, feelings, sensations and memories that the mind produces.

Mindfulness is a concept that has been associated with Buddhist meditation for centuries but in recent years mindfulness has also been a focus for psychotherapists and researchers in the West.  Research shows that the practice of mindfulness is associated with stress reduction, increased focus, memory improvement, cognitive flexibility, decreased rumination, lowered emotional reactivity, and increased relationship satisfaction. Mindfulness also has physical health benefits such as lowered blood pressure, increased immune and hormonal functioning, and better sleep.

The natural tendency of the mind is to think, to wander from one topic to another constantly. Most of the time, we are not even aware of being completely caught up in our minds, until we realize that we have arrived home with no memory of driving there or that we have a read a page of a book with no idea what we just read. This usual state of affairs could be called “mindlessness”.

Developing mindfulness is the process of focusing attention, of returning the attention again and again to the present moment. For instance, an easy and common way to begin the practice of mindfulness is to focus your attention on the breath. Sit in a comfortable position and simply watch the breath flow in and out.

Sounds easy, right? But what happens? You watch two or three or four breaths and the next thing you know you are thinking about the tasks that need to be done, what someone said to you yesterday or the vacation you’re going to take this summer.  When you realize you’ve lost track of the breath, you might get upset with yourself and berate yourself for not being able to concentrate for even a few minutes.

In mindfulness meditation, when the mind goes off in all these directions, as soon as you realize you’ve lost track of the breath, you notice what you were thinking of and gently return your attention to the breath. You refrain from making a judgment about the fact that your mind wandered off and just go back to watching the breath – over and over and over again.  The process of just observing and noticing what happens in the mind rather than getting involved in it, is mindfulness.

Cultivating mindfulness allows you to develop a different relationship with your own mind. It is not a matter of “turning off” the mind but of getting perspective on what happens in the mind and in your life. Mindfulness develops the ability to observe rather than react. It allows you gain some mastery over your thoughts rather than letting your thoughts control you. Mindfulness allows you to better tolerate uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and handle them more successfully.  

Nancy R. Soro, Ph.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Choosing to Act to Manage Goal Stress

With the new year right around the corner, it is a common to be asked “What is your New Year’s resolution?” It is also just as common for many resolutions to be left to wayside by February 1^st, with the thought “I already failed, why bother?”

Try something new this year.  Make a choice, at ANY moment, and you can be working towards a goal of yours.  Any goal, whether a New Year’s resolution, a personal goal, or a work goal simply requires us to make a choice to act on that goal, and to follow through.  Even if we get off track at some point, we can choose to get back on track and head towards our goal once again. It takes just a moment to act. The key to achieving any goal is choosing to act, and taking that action in the present moment.

This technique can be used to make the changes we want to see in our lives, whether it is working towards a New Year’s resolution, a personal goal, or a work goal. If we desire better relationships with family, we can choose to act and make an effort to improve those relationships by making regular phone calls, or visiting relatives. If we want to achieve a work goal, we can choose to act towards that goal by becoming more proactive at work, or participating in trainings and obtaining additional certifications.  If we want to improve our health, we can schedule physicals, exercise, or make healthier food choices.  It only requires a moment of choice and action.  Each moment presents us with a new opportunity to work towards one of our goals. It comes down to following through with our choice, one moment at a time.

Karen Rosian, Psy.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Creating a Plan for Coping with Holiday Stress

For a great many people, the falling leaves and cooler temperatures are a sure sign that the holidays are on the way.   This time of year can be marked by a great deal of stress and depression for a great many people, no matter holidays you celebrate.  Whether it’s because of the added pressures of entertaining, the financial prospect of gift-giving, or the missing of family members that are not around, these holiday months can carry a great deal of negative emotions for many of us.  Add to that the darkening skies and shorter days, and it’s no wonder that many people dread this time of year.  It’s important to remember, however, that we are not victims to this feeling and we do have control over how we feel this season.  Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as you try to reduce your holiday stress and depression.

First off, it’s important to remember that many of the stressors that we experience around the holidays are self-induced.  There is a lot of pressure for many people to make this “the best holiday ever”.  It’s a message that is fed to us starting November 1^st when all the television commercials tell us all the things we need to make the most of our holiday.  This often leads to feeling that we need to have the best gifts, the tastiest meals, the cleanest home, and the perfect holiday.  Not only does this cause a great deal financial stress, but striving to make something “perfect” can lead us to feel negative when we don’t meet our unrealistic expectations.  It’s important to appropriately prioritize your holiday goals and ensure they are goals that can be reasonable met.  Keep your holiday expectations realistic!  If you’re holiday goals are met, then you had just the holiday you wanted and if they go beyond your expectations then it’s a bonus!

The financial factors of the holiday season are often the most stressful for individuals and families.  Gift-giving has become our way of showing those around us how much we love and appreciate them.  Unfortunately for many of us, we simply don’t have enough to give all that we want.  When we push our finances beyond their limit, it causes a great deal of stress and fear for the future.  The best way to ensure that this doesn't happen this year is to set a firm and comfortable budget- and stick to it!  Find ways to reduce your budget by making thoughtful gifts for your friends and family.  Websites like Pinterest are full of ideas on how to create wonderful gifts from your home.  When in doubt, consider whether a gift is going to do more positives for the recipient than harm and stress to the giver.

This time of year is also the perfect time to practice and recall the stress management techniques that you've used in the past. No matter how busy we get around the holidays, it’s important to remember to take time out for our own mental health.  Meditating, doing yoga, or practicing guided imagery techniques are just a few ways that we can take a couple of minutes to press the reset button on our day and relax.  If those activities aren't your style of relaxing, then find one that works for you.  No matter what the activity, it’s important to spend at least 30 minutes a day taking time to relax and reboot.

Finally, one of the reasons that some people get depressed around the holidays has to do with the loved ones that are not around.  Whatever the reason that they are not with you, the most important thing to focus on is those loved ones who are present in your life.  Focus your time and energy on appreciating the positive times you have with the friends and family that you interact with this holiday season.  Try to frame your mind in positive thoughts, and let memories from previous holidays be a happy photo album and not a depressing slideshow.  If your depressed feelings become too strong or you’re not sure if you will be able to deal with them, then don’t hesitate to contact a professional counselor or someone else who can help you cope with your emotions.

We have the power to decide what kind of holiday season we want to have.  We can choose to be stressed, overwhelmed, and disappointed or we can choose to joyful, relaxed, and fulfilled.  This year, make the conscious decision to avoid the ghosts of holidays past and take control of mood. 

Happy Holidays!

William Knor, LCPC
Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

Creating Happiness to Decrease Distress

Historically, psychologists and other mental health practitioners have focused on illness and disorders. We have come to learn that it is vitally important to focus on happiness and satisfaction. Increasing happiness and satisfaction can make a substantial difference in enhancing well being and combating distress. There are a number of interventions that come from the field of positive psychology, a branch of psychology that emphasizes improving the quality of life in addition to treating illness, that have been shown to improve the quality of life and sense of well being. This article will focus on two interventions to increase happiness- expressing gratitude and savoring. Future blogs will address other techniques that increase happiness.

Research has shown that expressing gratitude increases well-being and decreases depression. Expressing gratitude is another way of saying count your blessings or take note of the things in your life that you can be thankful for. A simple way of expressing gratitude is to write down three things that you are grateful for daily. These things do not have to be big, extraordinary things..they can be everyday things that make your life better. Examples include having food to eat, having good friends, having the opportunity to get an education, having access to medical care, etc. Another way to express gratitude is to tell others who have helped you how they made a difference in your life by writing a letter or making a personal visit. A third way to express gratitude is to take a negative experience and find the good in it. In other words, you express gratitude for the opportunity to grow through some degree of misfortune.

Savoring, or luxuriating in an experience, is another path toward increasing happiness. It is a way of being in the moment and fully taking it in. Similar to the expression of gratitude, attention is focused on positive feelings and positive experiences. Savoring is accomplished by taking the opportunity to fully attend to the here and now.  To savor, you become mindful of everyday things that are taken for granted. Another way is to infuse or "take in" a spontaneous positive experience by giving it your full attention and allowing it to permeate your senses - taste, touch, sight, hearing smell. So the next time you are snuggling up with a good book, enjoying a warm beverage, taking delight in a comedy or enjoying good company, consciously savor the moment and notice how you feel.

In order to increase both savoring and gratitude, think about the fact that you have a only a little time left in the particular experience. Paradoxically, thinking about the limited time available to enjoy an experience actually can increase the enjoyment in the moment!


Submitted by Holly Houston, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Waiting to Feel Like It When Recovering From Depression

Usually in our lives, we want to do fun and interesting things and feel motivated to do so. When the time is right and we feel like it, we jump in and engage in all sorts of activities. We usually choose those activities that we have enjoyed in the past or those activities others close to us enjoy.  Sometimes, we stretch to try new things that we think we might enjoy and sometimes those activities get added to our repertoire.

When we have depression, however, our interest in our usual activities dims and we certainly don’t feel like trying new things. With depression, most activities seem way too intense, difficult or just uninteresting. It is such an effort to meet the minimal demands of work and family that exerting oneself any further seems ridiculous if not impossible.

Unfortunately, the more we avoid fun or social activities, the more depressed and anxious we feel and the less we feel like doing them. If we wait until we feel like doing something, the wait may be very long indeed since someone suffering from depression rarely, if ever, feels like engaging in activities. One of the hardest parts of recovering from depression is making yourself do things you don’t really want to do. It is, however, the most reliable way to start feeling better.

One of the most effective treatments for depression is called behavioral activation. Because thoughts, feelings and actions all affect each other, engaging in positive and healthy behaviors helps us feel better and think more positively. While practicing thinking more positively can also affect feelings and behavior, it is easier and perhaps more effective to begin with actions.

The first actions to take may be very simple. Just getting out of bed and getting dressed on a weekend day is significant for most depressed people. Completing a household job, like taking out the garbage or sorting through the day’s mail, can help -- if we focus on what got done rather than what is left to do. Going out to run an errand that could have been put off, pulling weeds for five minutes in the yard or cooking a simple meal may not seem enjoyable but those actions can all serve to get us going again and feeling a little better. Going to see a movie in a theatre is a good choice because it involves getting out of the house and offers the possibility of focusing attention on something outside oneself for a while. Similarly, talking with a loved one about something other than how you’re feeling can help.

Exercise is as effective as medication in reversing depression and anxiety. Going for a ten- minute walk, outside or on the treadmill, might be a good step. Let yourself stop after the ten minutes if you want – or keep going if you want, but not for too long. You don’t want to overdo it and then avoid going again because it seems like too much effort. Allow yourself to stop after you meet your goal. And then do it again tomorrow. Exercise is most effective for those who are the most depressed and inactive and it doesn’t take much to make a difference.

With all of these activities, the improvements will be modest at first. You will not suddenly feel completely well. The key is to keep making yourself do more, even when you don’t feel like it and then to notice even minimal improvements in how you feel. Working with a therapist to make more complex goals, ones that reflect your values in life, may also help. Once you start, it becomes easier (not easy but somewhat better) to keep getting more active. If you allow yourself to do things even though you don’t feel like it, eventually you will begin to enjoy what you’re doing again.

Submitted by Nancy R. Soro, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Normalizing an Emotional Response to Stress

For clients who seek out counseling, the range of emotional issues relating to stress is often wide.  Clients enter into therapy to deal with any combination of depression, anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, confusion, frustration, and hurt.  However, the one common thread that most client’s experience at one time or another is the fear that they are alone in their feelings.  Most clients that I work with feel that their emotions are abnormal or erratic.  The most common 5 words that I hear in any session are as follows: “You must think I’m crazy”.  Anyone reading this blog needs to understand that this simply is not true.

The response to stress is different for everyone who goes through it.  Some people can easily work through stressful situations and even thrive when surrounded by it.  For others, stress can be overwhelming, painful to deal with, and even debilitating at times.  Whether the difference in responses is due to genetic factors, biological factors, environmental factors, or situational factors, the fact remains that no two people deal with emotional or physical stress in the same way.  We all have different breaking points for stress and when those breaking points are met, we react with emotions based on how multiple factors have shaped our lives.

Those clients who fear that others will think they’re crazy if they share their emotions are often too scared to simply talk to someone.  If they were able to share their feelings with someone, more often than not, they would find comfort from a friend or relative.  In session, I often tell clients that you never need to apologize for the way you feel.  Feelings are natural and always valid.  If you do not have a friend or relative that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with, the Anxiety & Stress Center has counselors available (including myself) who are able to help you express your feelings and developing coping strategies to deal with your stress.

The saying goes that we cannot judge a person until we have walked a mile in their shoes.  Only you can truly understand the emotional reaction you have to stressors, and when you enter counseling we promise no judgment about the feelings that afflict you.  We want to help you realize that your feelings are normal, they are understandable, and you can learn to feel comfortable living with the way you feel.

Submitted by Bill Knor, L.C.P.C.

Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor