Reducing Stress: Accepting the Limits of Our Control

In today’s society, we live under the illusion of control. This illusion begins from a very young age in which we are taught that we control the world around us.  We learned that our actions had effects on the world around us.  We realized that if we cried or screamed, we were fed or our diapers were changed. And in many ways, this feeling of control continued throughout our lives. In many ways, we can control the world around us. If we are cold, we put on a sweater or turn up the heat.  If we have a headache, we can lie down or take an aspirin. 

However, this line of thinking can become problematic when we over-generalize our ability to control the world around us. Most notably, when we try to control others around us. We have all had that moment in which someone was not doing something to our expectations and have become frustrated. We all have tried to change others, and many may have had varying degrees of success. Some have asked a friend to stop calling at all hours of the night and have been successful, or we may have asked our partner to tell us when the milk has run out, and have run into frustration when, once again, we have no milk for our morning cereal. 

When it comes to controlling the world around us, we are able to manipulate some parts of the environment to our liking, such as temperature of the room or setting. However, there may be several elements or our environment that may also be out of our realm of control, such as outdoor temperature or climate conditions.

When it comes to controlling others, we may be able to ask for what we want or need, encourage, or make suggestions, however, we cannot control another person. They must make the choice as to whether or not they desire to act in accordance to our wishes. We feel successful when others act in accordance, however, that was their choice, even if we made the suggestion.

Should someone choose to disregard our wishes, whether because they do not have the time, the ability, or the desire, we have a few options to be able to manage that situation.

We can make sure to clearly and calmly communicate our needs to them, including why we need them to fulfill this need, as well as the outcome. For example, we might tell our forgetful partner “I need to know when the milk is gone so that I can buy more so that I can eat breakfast in the morning. If I don’t eat breakfast, I can’t take my medication.”

We can choose to change our perspective of the situation. We can change the way in which we are viewing the situation, or the assumptions we are making. For example, instead of viewing the situation as “My friend has no consideration for my feelings,” we might instead take the perspective of “My friend must have a lot on their mind right now.”

We can determine what in the situation IS within our control. While we do not have the power to control the behavior and actions of others, we do have the ability to control our own behaviors, and make changes to our actions. What can we do differently or change to make the situation more palatable to ourselves?  Perhaps we can check how much milk is left regularly, or have additional breakfast options available that do not require milk.  Perhaps we can silence our phones before going to bed to avoid being woken by our friend’s 2 a.m. phone calls.

Finally, we can choose to accept the situation as it is. We can accept the limits of our control and recognize that others have the freedom to make their own choices. We can let go of our efforts to change others or the situation and accept the situation for what it is, for better or worse, as well as accepting our feelings about a situation. We can accept that a situation is not ideal, while also accepting that we may not be able to do anything to change it, either.

Submitted by Karen M. Rosian, Psy.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist 

De-Stress Yourself: How Music Can be Used to Reduce Stress and Increase Positive Emotions

In the battle against stress and anxiety, there are a number of great tricks and skills that can be used to help us feel safer and more comfortable.  While many may immediately come to mind (breathing, exercise, a good night’s sleep, etc.), the use of music as a de-stressor is one that we often overlook.  While we may go out of our way to search for things that make us feel better, music is a tool that is very easily accessible and has the power to aid in relaxing both our mind and our body.

A large amount of research has been conducted regarding the effects of music on both the psychological and physiological well-being of all types of people.  The studies show a great number of ways that beautiful tones create a calming environment for those suffering from a wide range of afflictions; from cancer to stress and almost everything between.  The use of classical and other peaceful types of music has been shown to slow the pulse and heart rate of the listener.  In addition, this music has been shown to reduce high blood pressure and decrease the amount of stress hormone produced by the brain.  By causing these physical reactions, peaceful music helps to calm the listener. Classical music has even been shown to increase the production of serotonin which can help fight depression, anxiety, panic, and anger.

Classical music is not the only type of music that affects our health and well-being.  The way that music affects a person is completely individual and based on our own personal experiences.  Some people find solace in the golden oldies their parents listened to growing up while others seek comfort in the silk of smooth jazz.  Some are uplifted by the positive message of pop music while others feel energized by the thunderous beat of rock-n-roll.  Musical styles affect everyone differently, and it is very important to know how music affects you before trying to use it to reduce your stress. 

In order to know which styles of music help you reduce stress, start with the ones you like! The musical styles that we find pleasant and pleasing are the ones that have the most positive affect on our emotions and our stress levels. It’s not helpful to force yourself to listen to classical music to relax if you know you hate classical music.  Instead, identify those styles of music that you genuinely enjoy.  Once you have identified them, consider how these different styles make you feel.  Do they relax you or excite you?  Do they increase or decrease your energy level?  By understanding how certain kinds of music affect your body, you can use that music to achieve the emotion you want.

Once you have identified the right type of music, the next step is deciding how best to use it to improve your mood or lower your stress level.  Starting your day with the right song may be much more relaxing and calming than waking up to a droning beep.  Try setting your phone or alarm to play music instead of the standard alarm sound.  You can also take music with you throughout the day to help.  The portability of technology means that you can listen to positive music while exercising, during travel, on a break, doing chores, or even while working (depending on your job, of course).  If you have trouble meditating, music can be used to help you by giving you something to focus on other than your own thoughts.  You can even try singing your favorite songs as a way to reduce your stress level and increase a positive mood- and if you’re singing alone, no talent is required! 

However you decide to utilize music to de-stress yourself, the idea is to wrap yourself in the positive feelings created by the songs.  Experience the healing power of music by focusing on the rhythms and melodies of the songs that you choose.  With time, practice, and the right playlist, you can learn to create a soundtrack to your life that helps you combat the day-to-day stressors of a hectic world and create a better, happier you!

Submitted by Bill Knor, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor

Erasing Anxiety with Intentional Relationship Commitments

The media is flooded with evidence of individuals who are struggling to find ways of maintaining relationships that are important to them and subsequently failing.  One could argue they are failing because we are a disposable society who can’t seem to commit to a new phone let alone a personal relationship.   Erik Erikson believed one of the developmental stages of early adulthood is Intimacy vs. Isolation.  If you are successful during this developmental phase you achieve a positive outcome that enables you to make loving commitments to others.  If you are unsuccessful during this developmental phase you struggle with love.  You have difficulty with affection and demonstrate an inability to maintain lasting affectionate relationships.   This inner conflict usually leads to an outward expression of anger causing a breach in the level of commitment and ultimately a breakdown of the relationship. 

 

America recently had a new term enter mainstream media--conscious uncoupling.  This term is now used by individuals seeking to explain “uncoupling” to family and friends.  They seemingly, have found a way to move past the anger and rage that typically becomes a part of the breakdown of the relationship and found peace in “consciously uncoupling”.  They've made the choice to not linger in the breakdown and move on to the next phase of their lives.  Some have criticized this type of breakup as new age mumbo jumbo.  Others have embraced the decision to liberate oneself from anything that is not working, especially relationships.  Whatever side you may land on I'd like to offer a viewpoint that speaks to "conscious commitment".  The idea that when we as adults decide to enter into committed relationships with the intention to do what is necessary to create an environment of loving longevity.  Decreasing resentment, anger, confusion, isolation, ambiguity, hopelessness, and deep sadness after agreeing to partner with another.  We understand the complexity of human nature and therefore it’s beneficial to seek assistance in how to commit to each other--with intention.

Intentional Commitment

My understanding of intentional commitment is that each partner agrees to invest intentional effort in the relationship.  These efforts include but are not limited to: effective couple communication that promote learning about each other.  Learning skills that promote working collaboratively to resolve conflict, understand differences, and communicating for results.  These interactions often aid in reducing conflict and anxiety in the relationship.  This type of psychotherapy works to preserve the commitment through intentional modifications.  The goal is to help the couple identify intentional commitment as an attraction as opposed to an obligation.

 

Please contact Lauren White-Johnson if you would like to learn more about this type of relationship assistance.

Posted on 4/21/2014

Lauren F. White-Johnson, Licensed Psychotherapist

lwhite-johnson@anxiety-stresscenter.com

De-Stress Your Diet: Making Food Choices that Benefit Optimal Health

                           

Recent research has shown a relationship between depression and diet. People who follow more of a Mediterranean diet were noted to have less depression and more positive mental health.  While all the benefits of the Mediterranean diet are not known, it is thought that folate and omega-3 essential fatty acids are of the utmost importance.

Folate, a water -soluble B vitamin, is found in beans, green vegetables and whole grains. These are the foods that you want to eat more of in order to receive the physical and mental health benefits of folate.  Very good sources of folate, in order of strength, include soy beans, chick peas, pinto beans, spinach, lima beans, papaya, wheat germ, and asparagus.

There are two main types of Omega 3 essential fatty acids – Docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and Eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA).  Both are important for heart and brain health and are found in deep ocean fatty fish such as salmon, sardines and mackerel.  Taking Omega 3 supplements is also an option along with eating nuts and Omega 3 enriched eggs. A third type of Omega 3 is called Alpha Linolenic Acid (ALA) which can be found in flax seed and some green vegetables.  ALA is converted to DHA and EPA by the body. The human body does not manufacture omega-3 essential fatty acids and we must get them from our diet.

Omega-6 fatty acids are another essential fatty acid that must be properly balanced with Omega-3s in order for us to achieve optimal health. The American diet is extremely out of balance. The ideal balance is 2:1 Omega 6 to Omega 3. However, because of the overuse of refined vegetable oils found in processed foods, we are getting far too much Omega 6 and not enough Omega 3.

Beef is another source of excess Omega 6. Cows are feed corn and other grains which raise the Omega 6 content greatly.  Cows that are fed grass, the food source intended for cows, have the correct Omega balance. In the typical American diet replete with processed and fast foods and grain feed beef, the average ratio of Omega 6 to Omega 3 is 15:1.  This imbalance in our dietary Omega 3s and 6s is thought to contribute to obesity, depression, dyslexia, hyperactivity and aggressive behavior.

You can make the necessary dietary changes to reduce the Omega 6 fatty acids and increase Omega 3 fatty acids by making some simple, progressive changes in your diet.  Reducing the intake of processed foods (most foods that come in a package and/or have been changed from their original, natural, whole form) and reducing the intake of polyunsaturated vegetable oils (corn, sunflower, safflower, soy and cottonseed oil).

In summary, to balance Omega 3s and 6s, eat more deep ocean fatty fish, beans, nuts, green vegetables, whole foods, whole grains, fruits, grass fed beef and reduce processed and fast foods, including junk foods.  For those who wish to make more substantial changes to their diet for greater mental and physical health, consider adopting the Mediterranean diet or the similar anti-inflammatory diet for optimal health.  Links for more information about these diets are provided below.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/mediterranean-diet/art-20047801

http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART02012/anti-inflammatory-diet

Submitted by Holly O. Houston, Ph.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

New Year, New Hope: Understanding the Root Causes of Emotional Pain

Eastern medicine believes there are 7 energy centers throughout your body that hold the key to a balanced long life.

These cultural medicinal traditions can be used as one pathway to wellness as we approach a new year. Understand our body’s energy center drives our emotional states.  Emotions are powerful players in your physical, mental, and spiritual health.  A concept that you may not be aware of is why unblocking your Chakras can be extremely beneficial to uncovering the root cause to poor emotional and physical health.

Your 7 main Chakras extend from the base of your spine to the crown of your head. Each corresponding to different parts of your body. The belief is when your Chakras are blocked or out of balance you’re prone to poor health.  This can impact everything from your heart rate, metabolism, mood, attitude, and even your relationships. However, when you unblock your Chakras you learn to take your health into your own hands. By gaining and understanding about Chakras--you increase information needed to fight off illness and feel better in your own body.

Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary is a Western trained Neurologist who states unblocking your Chakras could be the key to your good health. Recently Dr. Chaudhary appeared on the Dr. Oz show to inform the viewers about this practice of eastern medicine. She states “the central nervous system holds the answers to unblocking energy.”  She explained “the spinal cord is a relay system of information giving electrical signals to our nerve fibers.”  Dr. Chaudhary believes “these bundles of nerves are linked to the different Chakras that are connected to different organ systems.” Dr. Mehmet Cengiz Oz a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon and television personality, believes “if we define life at the level of the cell of energy…then it stands to reason that energy is the currency of life.”  When you understand the roots of why you have the problems that are blocking any one or all of your seven Chakras (energy sources) you can begin to repair your body’s weaknesses.

When Chakras’ are blocked you may experience:

ROOT CHAKRA – discourse in your body, mind, and emotions

SACRAL CHAKRA – lack of creative force, sexuality, and diminished emotions

SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA – lack of identity, self-esteem, motivation, ambition, and will-power

HEART CHAKRA- decrease of emotions of love, compassion and fear of intimacy

THROAT CHAKRA – difficulty in expressing feelings

THE THIRD EYE CHAKRA – depression and poor intuition

THE CROWN CHAKRA – inability to regulate sleep/wake cycles, difficulty meditating, feeling disconnected from your body or others and spiritual discomfort.

Below is a free image that illustrates where the Chakras are located and the benefits of unblocking them.

 

Incorporating mediation and proper nutrition allow for lasting results in this eastern medicine practice that deals with the root cause of problems that diminish mental and physical health.

 

Submitted by Lauren F. White-Johnson, LCPC

 

Brain Health and Emotional Health

I recently attended an enlightening conference, The Evolution of Psychotherapy, where I had the pleasure of attending a seminar conducted by Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist, brain image specialist and prolific author who focuses on brain health. Here are some the the tips and suggestions that Dr. Amen shared specifically regarding brain health, which invariably affects our emotional health and well-being.  The brain is the control center of the body and is involved in everything we do.  The brain is too often neglected in both emotional health and physical health. If your brain is not functioning correctly, it is probable that you are not functioning properly.  In the same way that each of us could make some changes that would improve our physical health, we can also make some changes to improve our brain health.

Our brain is mostly water and fat. To keep it healthy we need to eat plenty (around 30 – 40 percent of daily caloric intake) of good fat.  Examples of good fat are nuts, avocados, coconut oil, olives and olive oil, hemp seeds and flax seeds.

Obesity is harmful to the brain and body.  As weight goes up, the physical size of the brain goes down and brain functioning decreases.  Fat helps produce inflammation – the beginning phase of all disease processes.  Fat also stores toxins in the body – the more the fat, the more the toxins. Toxins aren’t good for the brain or body.

Vitamin D is important for weight loss since low Vitamin D deactivates leptin, a brain hormone that signals satiation or fullness. If leptin doesn’t work, we don’t get the proper signal to stop eating.

Interesting note: Men who have sex 3 times a week decrease heart attack risk by 50%. Unfortunately, the same is not true for women.

Our diet, which is supplemented way too much with corn products, soy and vegetable oil, gives us too many Omega 6 oils and not enough Omega 3 oils. The remedy for this is to check labels to avoid corn, soy and vegetable oil and supplement our diets with Omega 3 fats found in cold water fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines), nuts and flax seed.

People who are gluten sensitive have increased risk for both anxiety and depression and have decreased blood flow to the brain.

Sucralose, otherwise known as Splenda, was originally made as a pesticide.  It works quite well as a pesticide and is used for that purpose in some farming communities!  Not surprisingly, Splenda will also kill off the healthy flora in your gut.

Untreated depression had been shown to increase Alzheimer’s dementia two times in women and three times in men.  Other conditions that can have a negative impact on brain functioning include chronic stress, untreated depression, unhealthy peer group, emotional trauma, lack of activity, nicotine and caffeine.

Here is what Dr. Amen recommended we do for increased brain health and functioning:

1.     Mental workouts help strengthen the brain. He recommends learning something new 15 min each day.

2.     Physical activity- weights, resistance training and coordination exercise (i.e. dancing)

3.     Nutrition – ½ body weight in ounces of water, high quality foods and clean protein (hormone free, free range, grass fed), smart carbs – low glycemic (slow to convert to sugar in the body) and high in fiber- which are plants, eat a rainbow of colors daily for good antioxidants, the cancer fighters, and plenty of herbs and spices all of which have some healing properties in the body.

4.     Probiotics put the good flora back into the gut. This is important since 90% of serotonin, the chemical involved in good mood, is located in the gut. Antibiotics kill the good flora in the gut. It is best to keep the gut balanced and working properly. Probiotics can be taken in supplement form or found in fermented foods like sauerkraut and kim chee.

Finally, Dr. Amen stressed that that emotional health in this country has been negatively affected by our diets. He further theorized that the rise in emotional disorders is likely due to the rise in food additives and genetically modified organisms. As such, gluten, dairy and food additive allergies may be causative factors in many emotional disorders.

Submitted by Holly Houston, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist.

Decrease Anxiety by Eliminating Fears

We don't often recognize the fear that dictates how we think and respond when faced with obstacles or challenges.  Fear often blocks our decision-making and paralyzes individuals into a state of in-action. This increases anxiety because you often feel a sense of hopelessness about your problems.

Living with anxiety driven fears can show up in a myriad of ways.  Note these examples: Parents may fear angering their children when they suspect the child may be in danger by avoiding a confrontation. A great new opportunity presents itself but it would cause a dramatic change in your routine. You frequent the same places for clothes, food, entertainment. Your anxiety takes over. You fall into a rut and your fear tells you that everything should stay the same. Fear can keep you locked in a depressive state that increases your anxiety and stress level.

One way to move through this state and decrease your anxiety is to list the pros and cons of facing your fears. When you write things down you are moving through this state on two sensory levels. Your mind is engaged in the exercise and you are taking the time to weigh the cost of remaining inactive in controlling your fears. Take the time today to work toward eliminating fears and anxiety from your life.

Live in Peace not in Pieces "Iyanla Vanzant"

submitted by Lauren F. White-Johnson, LCPC